Top 10 Reasons the House of Representatives Needs a Raise
10. With all this TV coverage, have to wear pants.
9. Russians not shelling out for classified stuff like they used to.
8. Fees just doubled at the Hair Club for Men.
7. They all bought shares in Hunter Biden's "sure gas/oil thing."
6. Hookers and blow no longer provided by lobbyists.
5. Disappointed in sales of "Pelosi's Pens."
4. "Bikini Open" now only available on Pay-Per-View.
3. Much of current income squandered on donations to Pelosi facelifts.
2. New three drink minimum at Au Bar.
1. Income from bribes not keeping pace with cost of hookers.